Can You Change Adoptive Couples Before the Baby is Born?

A question commonly asked when planning an Open Adoption regarding adoptive parents is whether you can change families and choose a different one before the baby is born. The answer to this can be complicated depending on the situation, and while it would be best to work with an adoption specialist while considering this, we will attempt to answer this question and help you ensure that you get the right parents for your baby.

The Open Adoption Process

When considering adoption, either during your pregnancy or after you have already given birth, one decision to make is the type of adoption you would like to have. This is a really big decision and will determine whether you will have a relationship with the new adoptive parents and your child or not. In an Open Adoption, you have the opportunity to view adoptive family profiles in order to choose the family you would like for your baby. After choosing a family, you can choose to meet the family if you would like to do so. This is an important step in the process, and typically, we would only have you meet with one adoptive family. There have been situations where new moms or expectant parents are interested in more than one family and therefore ask to meet with multiple families. Depending on the situation, this might be a possibility, but not one that we would recommend for your decision-making process.

The Benefits of Choosing Adoption for Your Baby

There are many benefits to choosing adoption for your baby. Some of these benefits include:

You Choose the Family: You can choose the adoptive parents for your baby. This means you can select a family you feel will provide a loving home for your child.

You can choose to stay connected: With open and semi-open adoption, you can arrange to have some form of contact with your child. Some choose pictures and letters while other birthmothers meet in person or over the phone.

Better chance of financial security for your child: Adoption provides financial security for your child. The adoptive family pays for all of the medical and legal expenses associated with the adoption.

Choosing life for them: Choosing adoption is a selfless act that allows you to give your child a chance to experience life’s wonders. Adoption is a great alternative option to choosing abortion. By selecting an adoptive family that you feel is a good fit, you also allow them to have the best life possible.

Choosing a Family for Your Baby

Once you receive counseling from your Adoption Counselor or Social Worker and feel solid in your decision to make an adoption plan, around 7 or 8 months along in your pregnancy typically, you then will have the opportunity to look at adoptive families. You will be given profiles for all the families that are a good match for your situation and given time to look at them and think about what qualities and characteristics are important to you in the family that will raise your child. Your Adoption Counselor can answer any questions that you have about specific families and help you get a better understanding of who they are. Different things are important to different people– perhaps you are interested in a specific type of family makeup. Maybe you are hoping for a specific religion for your child to grow up in. No matter what is important to you, we have many types of adoptive families, all very different, and you can choose one based on your preferences.

Sometimes women feel drawn to 2 or 3 families, and that is OK. You can request more information about all of them to help you decide which you would like to choose for your baby. Typically, one will stand out, making you feel solid and firm in your decision.

Meeting the Family

If you prefer to meet the adoptive family, we will arrange a time for everyone to get together and get to know one another. These meetings are usually at a casual restaurant, and we try to make them casual and low-key. This is your adoption decision, and we want to make sure that you get to know the family that you choose for your baby and feel good about who they are and the life they will give your baby. And, if you are planning to have an open adoption in the long term, the hope is that you will all establish a relationship, not unlike one you would have with an extended family member.

Your Adoption Counselor will help at the get-together to make everyone feel relaxed and comfortable, and this will be an opportunity to ask the family any questions that you have about their hopes to parent, their lives, or anything else. Hopefully, their answers will put you at ease, and when the meeting is over, you should feel comfortable and happy with the family that you chose. Very often, Birth Mothers end up having a lot in common with the adoptive family, and it all feels “meant to be.”

Changing Your Mind about the Family

If for some reason, after meeting the adoptive family, you don’t feel good about your decision, perhaps you need to consider a new adoptive family. You can feel free to be honest, and open with your counselor about this and explain why the get-together did not feel good to you. It’s best to try to articulate what you feel the adoptive family was lacking or why you no longer feel comfortable with them, specifically if you are still wanting to make an adoption plan. While this doesn’t happen often, it is something that occurs occasionally, and you need to feel good about your decision and be in control of your adoption. This is your baby, and we want you to feel comfortable and happy with the family that you decide to parent– even if that means meeting a different adoptive family.

If you work with a reputable, ethical adoption agency such as Open Arms, your counselor will process with you and assist you in figuring out why this family did not make you feel good about your plan. They can help you choose a different waiting family that you will hopefully feel interested in and content with. We have many prospective parents for you to choose from, and you should take all the time you need to find the one that you feel pleased with.

Learn more about our Adoptive Families

Are you ready to take the next step in making your adoption plan? Call us at 1-888-OPENARMS to meet with an adoption professional who can guide you through the process. If you aren’t ready to contact us, yes, feel free to look at our adoptive families, who are excited and ready to grow their families by adoption! You can read their full profiles on our website and get a true sense of who they are. When you decide you would like our assistance, just reach out anytime. We are here for you, 24/7, and can offer non-biased, pressure-free counseling.