Can you Choose Who Adopts Your Baby?

If you are pregnant or have recently had a baby and are considering giving up your baby for adoption, you might be wondering who will adopt your baby. Your first question is likely whether you can choose who adopts your baby. And the short answer is yes. You can absolutely be the one to choose who will adopt and parent your baby. You may also be wondering how you can make that happen though. We have all of the information you need about how to work with an adoption agency and plan a private adoption so you can be the one to choose the adoptive parents for your baby.

How the Adoption Process Works

If you choose to work with an adoption agency such as Open Arms Adoption Network which offers Open Adoption, you will be offered counseling to help you decide if adoption is right for you, and if that is what you choose, you can decide the type of adoption you want. An Open Adoption is when you can maintain a relationship with your baby and the adoptive family, and have visits and stay in touch. If you decide that making an adoption plan is what you want to do, but you prefer to have a Closed or Confidential Adoption, that is fine as well. You can still choose the family that you want to adopt your baby and not stay in touch with them. Many Birth Mothers find that having a relationship is really emotionally difficult in the beginning, and your wants and needs will be respected throughout the entire adoption process.

If you decide that you would like to choose the family that will adopt your baby, you would be given the opportunity to look at profiles of waiting adoptive families and choose a family based on their family profile. Profiles are books that contain letters, photos and a lot of information about waiting families, and they are typically about 20 pages long. Looking through profiles will give you a sense of who our families are, the type of parents they hope to be, the kind of home they have, their lifestyles and more. Expectant mothers usually feel drawn to one or two profiles when looking at them, and then feel much more comfortable and confident about the idea of adoption. Knowing that their baby will be in a permanent, loving home feels comforting to many women and this helps them make a final decision.

After You Choose a Family for Your Baby

Once you choose a family for your baby, you can continue to receive support and counseling from your social worker with Open Arms Adoption. Just because you have chosen a family for the baby, does not mean that you must move forward with giving your baby up for adoption, you can still explore the idea of parenting or a family member adopting the baby during this time period. Perhaps you have a relative that you had not thought about previously and they are a good fit to parent your baby. Or maybe the baby’s father is a good option to take the baby. Whether you are feeling confident in your adoption plan at this point or you are still considering your other options, you should not feel pressured in any way to move forward with adoption just because you chose a family. You Adoption Counselor is there to support you through the whole process and will continue to explore all resources available to you.

Some Birth Parents prefer to not only choose the perfect family for their baby, but they also prefer to meet them. This is an option to you as well, and we will move along in the process according to your preferences. If you prefer to meet the family, your Adoption Counselor will arrange an informal get-together where you and the Adoptive Family can get to know each other. It may feel like a perfect match right away where you feel that you and the Adoptive Parents have so much in common, like you have known each other forever. Or, it may feel slightly awkward in the beginning, which is common as well. We will continue to support you through the process and assist everyone so that you all feel as comfortable as possible.

After You Give Birth

When you give birth to your baby in the hospital, we will continue to be there for you. Sometimes Birth Moms prefer that we be there for labor and delivery– we can do that! We are happy to visit you daily in the hospital, and make sure you have everything that you need. If you prefer that the family you choose come and visit you in the hospital, we can arrange for that to happen. This is your adoption decision, and we will follow your lead with whatever you desire.

Should you continue to feel confident about the adoption plan, when it’s time to be discharged from the hospital, we can discharge the baby and help you get settled at home as well. You will have the option to sign the documents giving your consent to adoption a few days after giving birth, if you feel ready then. Everyone’s circumstances are different though, and we can work according to your situation. After you sign the legal paperwork, we would meet with the adoptive family and complete placement paperwork with them.

Post-Pregnancy Adoption Support

In addition to providing counseling to pregnant women considering adoption for their unborn baby, we can also work with moms who have already given birth. Sometimes, a mom doesn’t realize how difficult raising this new baby will be until after the baby is born. Taking care of a newborn or infant is not easy, and we can meet with you or speak with you by text, phone or virtually to help you decide if parenting is what you would like to do or not. We may also be able to provide financial assistance to help you with living expenses, lost wages or pregnancy-related expenses.

We can continue to be there for you even after your baby is adopted and your parental rights are terminated. We recognize that adoption is a lifelong experience, and there is grief and loss for the birth family that we will not minimize. We are here for you for the life of your adoption and can help you get any additional support that you may need. Choosing adoption is a maternal choice, and hopefully you will take comfort in the fact that your baby was adopted by a loving family, one that perhaps YOU chose, and will have a wonderful life.

What now? How to Get Started with Adoption

If you are experiencing an unplanned pregnancy and want to learn more about adoption or take a look at waiting families, contact us or view some of our current waiting adoptive families here https://openarmsadoption.net/families-ready-to-adopt/.. If you decide to contact us, you will feel supported and empowered, and never feel pressured to make a decision that is not one you feel good about.