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How to Tell Your Boyfriend about Your Unwanted Pregnancy

November 14, 2022 By Open Arms Adoption

An Unwanted Surprise

Everything was great. You and your boyfriend were in a good place, talking about moving in together and meeting each other’s families. And then you made that mistake of missing your birth control pill, or maybe another form of contraception did not work. Now, you have 2 missed periods, your body is starting to change and you are exhausted. You know these are pregnancy symptoms but you have been avoiding taking a home pregnancy test because you are trying the “if I ignore it, maybe it will go away” approach and don’t feel ready to see those 2 pink lines indicating a positive test result.

First of all, please know that you are not alone. This type of situation happens to women all the time, sometimes a condom breaks during intercourse, or there is some other issue and a woman ends up pregnant, unintentionally. Not all contraceptive methods are foolproof, and people are human and make mistakes. There is a reason why unintended pregnancy rates are so common– half of all pregnancies are unplanned! Try to take care of yourself and do not blame yourself for this situation.

Admitting to yourself that you are pregnant when it is an unplanned pregnancy is incredibly difficult. Your initial reactions might include feeling emotional, sad, confused, regretful and nervous, maybe you are even battling depression. And now, you have to start thinking about how to tell your boyfriend or the father of the baby about the surprise pregnancy. Below are some tips and recommendations to help you talk with the father about the the big news, and some information about options if you are not sure what you would like to do.

How You Feel is Important

Before you talk to your partner or your family about the pregnancy, it might be good to do some thinking to try to decide how you feel about it. Are you upset? Does the idea of a new baby sound totally crazy and not realistic right now? Do you have any interest in being a mom? It would be a new reality, but perhaps if you are in a committed relationship then maybe this isn’t actually the worst timing. Do you have a solid support system in place to help you with the baby? These are all questions to think about while you settle in with the news.

Take Care of Yourself

It’s important that you begin to take care of yourself right away, even if you are not sure what you would like to do. Set up an appointment with your OB/GYN or health care provider to confirm the pregnancy, so they can do an ultrasound and see how for along you are. Start taking folic acid and any recommended prenatal vitamins. Avoid drinking ANY alcohol, as alcohol is incredibly harmful to a fetus, no matter how much or when. The first trimester is incredibly important for growth, and health outcomes for infants whose mothers received folic acid are much better, research have shown.

You Have Options

If you know in your heart and mind that under no circumstances do you want to keep this baby, you have options. One option that you might be thinking about already is termination. Terminating, also known as getting an abortion, is an option for you if you not only do not want to be a mom, but if you don’t want to be pregnant. Depending on how far along you are in your pregnancy, and what trimester you are in, you are likely able to get an abortion in your state. The process or procedure will look different depending on whether you are in the first or second trimester of pregnancy, but there are several organizations that can help you with this. One great place to call is Planned Parenthood. Planned Parenthood has centers located across the United States. Another place to call, depending on where you are located, is the Women’s Centers. There are many abortion clinics that provide great medical care, and will help you determine whether your pregnancy can be terminated. This option will vary in price depending on which process you need, your health insurance, and other factors too.

Another option if you know that you do not want to take care of the baby is adoption. Adoption is a good option if you are interested in keeping the pregnancy, but you know that you are not in a position to be a mom right now. With adoption, you can choose a family for your baby- a family that may not be able to have a child biologically. You may be wondering where you can learn more about adoption- how it works, the laws, and more. A great place to start is by contacting a local adoption agency, such as Open Arms Adoption Network. An adoption counselor will meet with you, either in person or virtually, to learn more about your situation and answer all your questions about adoption. Reaching out to an Adoption Agency does not require you to move forward by any means, and an Open Arms Counselor will NEVER pressure you into moving forward with Adoption. They will simply educate you about the option and make sure you have the information you need in order to make a decision about what you would like to do.

Getting Ready to Tell Your Boyfriend You are Pregnant

Once you have done a bit more research about your pregnancy options, you might feel more ready to have a conversation with your baby’s father about the pregnancy. You hopefully will feel more confident, as by now you probably have a better sense of what YOU want, which will make breaking the news much easier. Remember, the father of the baby will likely experience a range of emotions just like you did, and his first reaction might not be the one that he ultimately lands on in the end.

First, it’s a good idea to speak with your boyfriend alone when you are ready to have the conversation. Set aside cell phones and any other distractions that might interrupt you so that you can focus on what you would like to say. Make sure he is sitting down! If you have been spending a lot of time together, he likely has noticed a difference in your behavior and is wondering what is going on. Break the news gently, and let him know that you have done some research and have spent some time thinking about this. He will likely have many questions about how this happened, especially if he thought that you guys were using some sort of pregnancy prevention method. Try to keep the conversation calm, and once he is able to process the news for a few minutes, let him know about your options, and what you are feeling that you might be interested in doing.

Ways you can tell your boyfriend about your pregnancy

Just getting the conversation started is the hardest part. Once you have an idea of where and how you want to tell him you are pregnant, you just need to reach out even if it is via text or snapchat. Consider saying something like, “Hey, can we talk? I’ve been thinking about us and I really need to tell you something. I hope you’re free in the next few hours so we can chat.”

Tell him over dinner

Telling him over dinner is probably one of the more classic ways to do it. You can set the mood by perhaps cooking his favorite meal or going out to a restaurant you both enjoy. Then, once you have his attention, you can just blurt it out or ease into the conversation by saying something like, “I know we’ve been trying to be more careful lately, but I’m really sorry to say that I’m pregnant.”

Tell him in a note

If you’re feeling a little bit nervous about telling him in person, you can always write him a note. This way, you can collect your thoughts and choose your words carefully. You can also leave the note somewhere he’ll find it, like his car or his laptop case.

Tell him in a text message

If you’re not sure you can handle telling him in person, you can always send him a text message. This way, you can control the conversation and take your time crafting the perfect response. Just be sure that you’re prepared for his reaction, whether it’s positive or negative.

Tell him when you’re both alone

Telling him when you’re both alone is probably the best way to do it. This way, you can have his undivided attention and he can process the news in private if he needs to. Just be sure that you’re ready for whatever his reaction might be.

Making a Decision Together

Hopefully, the two of you will be on the same page regarding what you would like to do and make the best decision possible for the two of you. And it might take you some time to figure out how to move forward, as this is a big decision and not one that you should rush through. If in your talks you decide that adoption might be an option that you would like to consider or learn more about, feel free to call Open Arms at 1-888-OPENARMS to speak with a counselor. We are so happy to meet with the two of you and talk to you more about adoption and what this might look like. There are different types of adoption- Open, Semi-Open and Confidential (or Closed) Adoption, so you might decide that one of these is what you would like to do. Should you decide to terminate, we can direct you to one of our trustworthy partners who we know will provide good care. And, of course, if parenting is what the two of you decide one, we are so happy to point you in the direction of resources that would be helpful.

If you are experiencing an unwanted pregnancy, and you would like support and assistance in talking to the baby’s father and telling him the news, Open Arms Adoption can help. Contact us at any time for free, unbiased pregnancy support and options counseling.

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I Am pregnant and homeless what can I do?

November 11, 2022 By Open Arms Adoption

If you are a pregnant homeless woman, you may be wondering if you can still choose adoption for your baby if you are currently homeless. The answer is yes, you can choose adoption even if you are homeless or in between a stable housing situation. Homelessness during pregnancy is nothing to be ashamed of or something that should limit your rights to support. No matter how you are reading this, please know that you can contact our team 24 hours a day for support on how to address your pregnancy and how to navigate your
living situation.

I am Pregnant, Homeless, and Overwhelmed

If you are currently pregnant and experiencing homelessness, you may be thinking that it might not be the best time for you to parent a new baby. When thinking about options as an alternative to parenting, making an adoption plan may come up as an option. You likely have questions, about adoption, the first one being if you can choose adoption if you are homeless. If so, the answer is YES, you absolutely can choose adoption for your baby if you are currently homeless.

Other Options than Adoption

Not all pregnant homeless women choose adoption for their babies. There are other unplanned pregnancy options to consider, another being abortion. If you are pregnant and you know that parenting is not what you want or what you are capable of right now, and you don’t want to remain pregnant, you might want to consider termination. Open Arms has relationships with several abortion clinics where we can refer you and we know that you will be treated with excellent medical care and respect. If, however, termination is not what you prefer, and you feel that adoption is an option you would like to learn more about, we can help you through this process.

How to Choose an Agency If You are Homeless

If you are currently homeless, you may want to consider working with one of the local adoption agencies in your area, as they can most likely help you with resources, such as housing and pregnancy expenses. Since counselors are nearby, they can come and meet with you and get you into a place to live so that you can be safe and feel secure, especially during your pregnancy. They can likely help you get back on your feet so that you have a more permanent living situation as well. In addition, if you work with an agency such as Open Arms Adoption Network, they have access to all sorts of other services, in addition to financial assistance. They can connect you with a social worker at JFCS of Greater Philadelphia that can be helpful with career services and other emotional support that you may need, along with your Adoption Counselor from Open Arms who will provide you with options and counseling services.

Adoption Options for Homeless Women

Homeless women have the same adoption options as everyone else. No matter your current situation, you can work with a counselor to figure out if adoption is in fact right for you, and if so, choose the type of adoption that you wish to have for your unborn baby. You can choose an Open Adoption, in which you can choose and meet the adoptive family of your choice and maintain contact with them after you move forward with your adoption plan. You can also choose to have a confidential or closed adoption, if that is what you prefer. Although you may feel like you are in difficult circumstances now, this is your baby, and you have an opportunity to make the best decision that you feel is right. Whether you ultimately choose an Open Adoption, a Confidential Adoption, or even a Semi-Open Adoption, one of the major benefits of adoption is knowing that your child will be in a loving, stable home, and that you made the best choice that you could for your baby.

One on One Counseling During and After Pregnancy

Depending on how far along you are in your pregnancy, you may want a different level of counseling. Some moms like to meet with their adoption worker weekly, whereas some women only want to meet a couple of times before delivering. If you call Open Arms at 1-888-OPENARMS, we can help to get you into a shelter right away so that you can feel safe. We can also work to get you prenatal care so that we can make sure all is well with your pregnancy. What we will NOT do is shame you regarding your current situation. No matter what has occurred up to this point, we will do all that we can to get your needs met and get you into a safe, comfortable environment.

After meeting with you for counseling, learning more about your situation and getting you medical care, we will continue through the adoption process if that is what you prefer. You are likely experiencing many emotions, and our Social Workers are professionals and trained to help you through this process. You can feel comfortable and confident knowing that your counselor is there to fully support you, no matter what you ultimately decide.

Meeting an Adoptive Family

If you continue to work with us at around 7 or 8 months into your pregnancy, if you prefer, you can begin to look through adoptive family profiles, which are books put together by prospective adoptive parents. These waiting adoptive families are prepared and ready to adopt, and are excited to offer a baby a permanent, loving home. If you choose a family for your baby, it is completely your decision as to whether you would like to meet them or not. Some pregnant mothers are incredibly excited about the idea of meeting an adoptive family, while others have mixed emotions and might ultimately decide not to meet a family. No matter which path you choose, your counselor will support you. If you do choose to meet a family, we will be there and help you get to know them so that you feel comfortable and at ease with the family. Even at this point, we will not pressure you to move forward with adoption, as this is still fully your decision to make.

After Your Baby Is Born

Once you give birth, your adoption journey is still not complete. You can choose to have the adoptive family visit you and the baby in the hospital if this is what you prefer. After you and the baby are discharged from the hospital, we will continue to work with you and support you however we can. Should you continue to feel that adoption is what is best, you would sign adoption consents or the legal paperwork, a few days after giving birth. We will continue to be there for you even after you move forward and can help you navigate your adoption based on your preferences.

We Can Help You!

If you would like to learn more about adoption for your baby, Open Arms Adoption Network is a licensed adoption agency that is fully available to help you. We can send you information, speak on the phone, by text or in person. We can get you to doctors appointments, help with groceries and rent assistance so that we can get you into a more stable housing situation. We have years of experience working with homeless pregnant women and are here for you. Call us at 1-888-OPENARMS and we will be there for you every step of the way.

Do Orphanages Still Exist and Will My Baby Go to One?

November 1, 2022 By Open Arms Adoption

Answer: No, orphanages do not still exist in the United States and your baby will not go to one if you choose adoption.

If you are either pregnant or have given birth recently and are feeling like you cannot care for your baby, you may be wondering what your other options are. One question that might cross your mind is likely, “what if I can’t take care of my baby, and I don’t find anyone else to? Will my baby be an orphan and end up in an orphanage or a group home?” Many of us have seen the move Annie, Oliver, or even newer movies such as The Queens Gambit that depict orphanages. This often makes us wonder if orphanages do in fact still exist today, and if so, it can be pretty terrifying.

While the traditional types of orphanages shown in these movies are pretty unusual today, there are Group Homes that still exist for children, typically older children, who have not been adopted and do not have Foster Homes. Sometimes the Foster Care System doesn’t work for certain children, either because they have behavior issues (very often stemming from abuse or neglect that they experience while in Foster Care) or sometimes have a disability that makes parenting them in a traditional home incredibly difficult.

These residential care institutions are not something that you need to worry about, especially if you are looking for an alternative to parenting your child now. You have several options, and we will discuss those so that you can make a fully informed decision, whether that means your child going to live with a family member for a period of time, being adopted by a friend or family member, or choosing to make an adoption plan for your baby to be raised by one of Open Arms Adoption’s loving families.

Reasons to Consider Alternatives to Parenting

There are many reasons that pregnant women and new moms consider alternatives to parenting. Often, it is many reasons together that make it feel incredibly difficult, or even impossible to parent a new baby. For instance, sometimes women are living in extreme poverty, with multiple children, and are struggling to parent their current children with little or no help from friends and family. For a single mother parenting young children with no help, the idea of bringing home a new baby and having another person to responsible for can feel incredibly daunting. Some women are struggling with addiction or mental health diagnoses and they know that it is likely that their children will end up in state care, and therefore want to consider other options. Whatever the case may be, there are other options and this is your decision to make.

Adoption is Always an Option

Voluntary domestic adoption can be a good option for a woman who is not in a position to parent a new baby. With Open Adoption, the mom or the birth parents have the option to choose the adoptive parents for the baby, and even meet them to help with the transition. Voluntary adoption can feel like an empowering decision, as rather than the baby be taken away and placed in a foster home, you have control over your decision and a say in who your baby’s parents will ultimately be. Adoption is also permanent, meaning once the baby or child is adopted, they will stay with that family forever. This is a comforting, reassuring feature of adoption that makes many women choose adoption for their baby.

Telling Your Family Members Can Be Helpful

If a woman is not in a position to parent a new baby, there is another option as well. Perhaps friends or family members would be a good fit to parent the baby, be it for a short term option or for the long term. Sometimes this option has appeal, as the new mom just needs some time to get back on her feet, but parenting is something that she knows she wants to do and WILL be able to do, she just needs a bit of time. If there are relatives in your life that you trust with your baby, and feel that they will take care of your child while you get back on track, choosing one of them might be a good alternative to parenting.

Is Abortion Still an Option?

Should you decide that you would like to terminate your pregnancy, you can find an abortion clinic that will help you through this process. Across America, the laws vary with regard to how far along in your pregnancy you are able to get an abortion, but if termination is what you ultimately decide on, Planned Parenthood can assist you with getting an appointment.

Making a Decision About Your Pregnancy

After learning about all of the options available to you, and knowing that an Orphanage does NOT have to be in your child’s future, you can now make a decision. Do you want to continue with this pregnancy? If so, who do you think the best person would be to take care of your baby? If you feel it is not you, is it someone you know? Is adoption something you would like to consider and learn more about? Here are some adoptive families who are ready and waiting to adopt if you would like to take a look.

Choose a Family You Think Your Child Deserves

Ultimately, no matter which option you are leaning toward, you likely feel that your child deserves some sort of family– be it with you, your friends or family, or an adoptive family of your choosing. In some countries, vulnerable children end up in orphanages, as they do not have the systems that we have set up in place in the U.S. . Thankfully, you have the opportunity to make a decision and ensure that your child does not end up in a situation that you would not want for him or her. Should you decide that adoption is the option that you would like to move forward with, you will ensure that your adopted child is well loved with a family (of your choosing) forever.

To learn more about adoption, contact us at 1-888-OPENARMS any time. We are here for you and ready to help you any way that we can.

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Finding a Gay Couple to Adopt My Baby

September 29, 2022 By Open Arms Adoption

When it comes to the adoption process, the birth mother can play a critical role in making decisions for her unborn child. As the birth mother, you may decide that you want your baby to be adopted by a loving same sex couple. It is important to clarify your preferences by ensuring that you have a solid adoption plan in place and the right assistance from Open Arms Adoption Network.

How is LGBTQ adoption different from heterosexual adoption?

The process of adopting a child is similar for everyone, whether you’re straight or gay. You still need to find an adoption agency or professional to help you through the home study process and being matched up with a birth mother.

Clarify Your Preferences for an LGBT Adoptive Family

Many women who are planning on giving up their baby for adoption are hoping to find a LGBT family to adopt their baby. When you are hoping for a gay couple to adopt your child, you want to think about the characteristics in a family that are most appealing to you. Some things you may be thinking about are: How long has this couple been together? Do they have other children? Do they hope to adopt more children? Do they live in the city or suburbs? What is the family planning for childcare? Do they have lots of excited family members nearby? There are so many questions you will likely have and your Adoption Coordinator can help you through this process and support you as you make decisions. Some women know they want a gay or lesbian family to adopt their baby – but they do not want to be the one who reviews adoptive family profiles and who ultimately chooses the adoptive family. You do not need to be responsible to choose the family if you do not feel comfortable doing this.. Many women do not want to review adoptive families nor meet the family. If letting the agency choose the family for your baby is your preference- that is fine too and the agency will choose the very best family for your baby. These decisions are yours to make.

Work on an Adoption Plan

The adoption process begins with working out an adoption plan. You can work with Open Arms Adoption Network to develop a plan of action that works for you and your unborn baby or for your baby to whom who you have already given birth.

View Families Ready to Adopt a Baby

After the counseling and early planning, you will want to ensure that the adoptive family has medical information from you to keep your baby healthy through his or her life. You will want to provide information about your family’s medical history and the medical history of the baby’s father, if he is involved.. You will want to clarify the level of involvement that you want in your child’s life and you will do this with your Open Arms Adoption Coordinator. . If you want to visit with your child and his/her adoptive family over the years, this is most definitely available to you. Or, perhaps you just want pictures and letters over the years? Some women prefer to have a confidential adoption or to “step back” for a while. Whatever you choose, you will be supported. You should never feel pressured in any way to choose a particular kind of adoption or to move forward in adoption if you move in a different direction. . Can Same Sex Couples Adopt?

The key question that may arise when you are hoping to have an LGBTQ family adopt your child is whether gay or lesbian families are legally allowed to adopt. Thankfully, in all but just a few states, LGBT families are afforded the same rights as non-LGBT families to build their family through adoption.

How can I find a same sex couple to adopt my baby?

The answer is to contact a local adoption agency to help you choose and get matched with a same-sex (gay) couple looking to adopt a baby.

You will have the ability to browse all of the gay couples that have gone through the home study background check process and are ready and able to adopt your baby. The idea of selecting the future parents of your child can seem daunting. You want to make the best decision to ensure that your child is in a healthy, loving and stable environment. Open Arms Adoption Agency recognizes that you are looking for the right couple for your child’s needs, and they help connect birth parents to many diverse adoptive families all eager, approved and ready to adopt through Open Arms.

If you choose to select a family from our many Adoptive family profiles, you will have the option to meet with them with your Adoption Coordinator. During these get-togethers, you can discuss the level of involvement you want with your child as well as any concerns you may have about your child’s connections with his/her siblings, extended family, his or her health, and family medical history. By having an open dialogue with potential adoptive parents, you can find the right gay couple to adopt your child.

Even if you have already given birth, it is not too late to find a wonderful gay couple or lesbian couple to adopt your baby. Open Arms Adoption Network makes it easy for you to find the right family for your baby. We will follow your lead and give you the level of support that feels right to you. Open Arms has many LGBT couples already approved and very ready to be parents today. We look forward to hearing from you.