I am thinking about adoption, but how can I give up the baby but keep my older child?
If you are currently pregnant, or have recently given birth, and are parenting another child as well, you might be wondering about adoption for your new baby. This is a scenario that we hear about a lot for the women that we work with, as only a mother such as yourself can truly understand what it really takes to parent. So, please know right away that you considering adoption for this new baby does NOT make you any less maternal and does not mean you do not love the baby who you are pregnant with or the baby you may have just given birth to.
Being a Mother is Not Easy
If you are currently raising a child or children, you know what it takes. And if you are doing this on your own – you really know what it takes! You know about the late-night feedings, the crying, reflux, teething, about the money necessary for diapers, clothes, … and the list goes on. If you have done this once or more already, you likely understand what it will take to take care of this new baby. If you are considering adoption for this new baby, because you lack support or resources already, and you are worried that the well-being of your other child(ren) may be affected if you add another baby to the family, we understand. Open Arms Adoption can help you decide if putting up your baby for adoption is what you truly want. You may have had a rough night- or several rough nights, and are completely exhausted, and adoption may be something you are considering right now just because you are completely overwhelmed. That is completely understandable. If parenting this new baby is something that you want to do, and you want to do it, we can help you find additional resources that can help you take care of your baby. But, if you ultimately decide that keeping this new baby is something you are not able to do, and you feel sure that adoption is an option you need to seriously consider, we are here for you. Parenting is not easy, and Open Arms Adoption is here to help you, without pressure or judgement, whatever you ultimately decide.
What do I tell my child I am raising about this?
A concern you might have around adoption may be regarding what to tell your child or children at home about the new baby. People in your life are likely making comments to your other child(ren) about becoming a big sister or a big brother, and you may be wondering how to handle that if you choose adoption. Yes, these are difficult conversations to have, but there are ways you can explain adoption to your other kid(s). Also, your Adoption Counselor from Open Arms can help with this. We can give you a book, or other age appropriate resources to help with these complex conversations, and help you to feel prepared and ready. We are with you the whole way.
Did you know that over 80% of the women who ultimately do decide to put their baby up for adoption already are mothers and have other kids at home? Many people don’ t know that and assume that females who put their babies up for adoption are usually teenagers. Not true. Women who do choose adoption for a new baby are almost always in their 20’s to late 30’s and are usually already parenting other kids. We feel this is so because the only women who really know all that is involved in being a mother are “mothers” themselves. So, it is because of this – that most of the women we work with are not teenagers and are already raising kids at home. So, they get it. They know all that is involved and they just know that bringing another newborn home is just not in any one’s best interest. We find that women that make adoption plans or even consider adoption for a short time are very maternal. They are always putting the best interests of their newborn and other kids at home first before their own desires.
What about the siblings? I want my other kids to know their sister or brother.
Something else you may be thinking about is how your kids will know one another. A common misconception around adoption is that if one child is adopted, they will grow up without knowing that they even have other siblings “out there” and their siblings won’t know them. This is not the case in modern Open Adoption. With Open Arms Adoption Network, you would have the opportunity to plan an Open Adoption, one in which you and your family can keep in touch with the Adoptive Family, and your child. If this is what you choose, your children can see their sibling several times a year, and know that you are their Birth Mom, even though this younger child will not be living with you and your other kids.. Research shows that Open Adoption, and the opportunity for a child to know where they come from is better for them for many reasons. We are so happy to be able to offer this option to you, should you choose to give your baby up for adoption. If you choose Open Adoption with Open Arms, all of your children will know where they come from, and that you are the one that brought them into the world. But, sometimes the thought of staying connected to your baby and their new family feels like too much. No problem. The option is always available to you regardless of whether seeing your baby soon after placement feels right or not.
I Might need to Choose Adoption for More than One of my Children. How does that work?
If you are currently parenting children and are considering adoption for more than one of your kids, that is something that we can help you with. Please know that we will not place any judgement on you for this, we understand that you are putting your children FIRST and we recognize that you are considering this because you feel you cannot give them the life that you want for them.
If you find you need to put your kids up for adoption, keeping siblings together is important, whenever possible. Sometimes, we have several Open Arms families who are approved to adopt more than one child so it would be one of those families who might ultimately adopt your kids. There is lots to consider when we are looking for the right family to adopt more than one child including; how many kids are they already parenting? Do any of their kids have special needs thus requiring more time and attention, etc. So, while many of our Open Arms Adoption Waiting Families are only approved to adopt an infant, we do have some families that are open and ready to adopt older children and sibling groups. But, rest assured, we take all of these decisions very seriously and you would only be presented with families who are well prepared to be great parents to your kids. If you are considering making an adoption plan for more than one of your children, we will do whatever we can in order to keep them together and have them adopted by the same wonderful family.
How to Learn More
If you would like to learn more about giving up your baby for adoption, or if you would like to talk to a counselor about adoption for your toddler or other children, you can reach us anytime. If you call us ANYTIME at 1-888-OPENARMS, you will be connected to a counselor immediately. You can also email us at firstname.lastname@example.org. Also, if you would like to take a look at some of our waiting Adoptive Families, who are prepared and excited to adopt right now, visit https://openarmsadoption.net/families-ready-to-adopt/ and view dozens of families who are eager to adopt and share their lives and homes with a child. Remember, we are here for you to offer support, guidance and resources to assist you in making the best decision for you and your child(ren). You are in charge of this process. We are just here to help you.