I Want to Give My Baby Up for Adoption but Everyone is pressuring me to Keep the Baby. What Should I Do?
If you are considering giving your baby up for adoption, whether you are pregnant or have already given birth, it is a difficult decision. There are lots of factors to think about when considering your options, and sometimes what you want or may think is the right decision for you and your baby, others around you may not agree with you. This is common. We all want the support and understanding of our friends and family, but sometimes you all might not be on the same page. And, instead of receiving support, you are instead receiving negative comments and lots of judgement.
Your Pregnancy, Your Decision
There are many reasons why you might feel like a new baby is not a responsibility that you can take on now. Maybe you are already parenting other children with little support, or maybe you don’t have a stable living situation to care for a new baby. Maybe you are struggling with substance abuse, trying to stay clean or maybe you struggle with some mental health issues that are challenging. Most of the women we work with are already raising other kids, are good mothers and are doing the very best they can. But, bringing home another newborn sometimes feels so daunting and they then worry about if their other kids at home will be able to get what they need as life may be tough already. No matter what the reason is, please know that we are here for you, 100%, anytime. And, no matter how your family or friends may feel, this is your pregnancy and your baby and your decision. We will support you with whatever you decide.
Handling the Pressure
If you are seriously considering adoption, but are either scared to tell your family and friends, because you worry about how they will react or if you are already being pressured by those around you to raise the baby, you might be wondering if it is even possible to give your baby up for adoption. Pressure from family and friends can be really hard to deal with, but talking to them about how you are feeling, the worries and fears you are having about bringing a new baby home is a good place to start. Hiding your true feelings often brings extra drama to your life and only creates extra tension and distress as you get closer to delivery. But, sometimes women just feel so strongly they know what is right for their baby and their other kids at home that they decide to push forward with their adoption plan despite the feelings of anger or sadness expressed by their family.
If this is your situation: you may be wondering where to start. If you call Open Arms Adoption, a Counselor will support you through the entire process. If you want assistance in sharing your feelings or in explaining your reasons for choosing adoption with your family members who do not support your decision, we can help you. Through these talks, those in your life might begin to understand why you do not feel prepared to parent this new baby, and maybe they even may support your plan. We will be with you the entire way.
If Family Members Want to Take-in your Baby when they Hear that you are Considering Adoption
Many women who call us to learn more about adoption tell us that adoption is what they think is best for their new or unborn baby and even a better plan to help them to continue taking good care of their other kids at home. But these women often have a mother or sister or another family member who say they will take the baby if they push forward with their plan to put the baby up for adoption. This might sound like what you are going through. If this is an option that you would like to consider, we will support you fully in assisting you to get the legal help you need to have a family member adopt your baby or to become Legal Guardian to your baby.
Sometimes though, women decide that it feels better for someone outside of the family or social group adopt the baby either because you want a different kind of life for your child, or because it may be too emotionally difficult to be so close to the baby without YOU being the Mom. If you decide that you would like to learn more about our amazing, ready and waiting adoptive families who are screened by us for several months before entering our pool of waiting families, that is completely your decision. You do not have to allow your family to adopt the baby if that is not what you wish. Know that we will support you in whatever decision you make.
If the Father is Saying He will Raise the Baby
If you are in touch with the father of the baby, and if he is aware of the pregnancy, and telling you that he will parent the baby, that is an option that should be considered, but only if he has a safe and stable situation to provide a good home to the baby. If the father of the baby is offering to raise the baby, but his environment is not a safe one, where there is not a stable home or a good and healthy support network, adoption is still an option that you may consider. However, if the father of the baby is prepared, fully able to take care of the baby, and WANTS to parent, it is his legal right that should be honored. Sometimes, fathers’ voice an interest in parenting, but they may not understand what parenting 24/7 in his home truly entails. If this is a scenario that rings true for you, we can help with these conversations and ensure that the father of the baby is ready to raise this new baby. If we learn more about the father’s situation and it becomes clear that he is not prepared or does not really have the capability to take care of the baby in his home, it is still possible for you to move forward with an adoption plan. Every case is different though, so rest assured an Open Arms Counselor is trained and prepared to assist you in whatever situation you may be dealing with. But, involving the birthfather of your baby in your plan is really the best way to go.
We are Here to Support You
There are many complicated relationships that you may be navigating through right now, and those around you may be giving some very strong opinions about your parenting choices. Open Arms Counselors will speak with you via text or the phone or facetime, meet with you, and help YOU decide what you would like to do, because this is YOUR decision. This is a very important time of your life, and we never want you to feel pressured by anyone to make a decision that is not one you feel fully resolved is in the best interest of your baby. So, always know that if you choose to call us at 1-888-OPENARMS or contact us through email at firstname.lastname@example.org, you will always feel supported, and never pressured. We are here for you the whole way, no matter whether your decision is to keep your baby, have a family member adopt the baby or become Legal Guardian or if you make an adoption plan with Open Arms Adoption. We look forward to hearing from you.
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